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Interview with Science
- Augustine Ohanwe
The interview with science was held under the palmy plain, far away from the bustle and hustle of the city life. A world undisturbed by ceaseless dust and rasping blast of blowing horns and noise of cranky cars. But a stone’s throw from the venue is an ocean with its splashes and churns, its grasping, rumbling sounds, and crashing waves of its song. Two eagles, those lords of the sky peer at us between jumbles of leafy palm frond as they fly. They seem to be whispering strange oracles as they pass – oracles of truth about the riddles of the universe.
”Mr Science, is it true that many centuries ago you overthrew the older tradition of natural philosophy and established your reign and your credo which the entire world endorsed”? I asked science as he sat on his swivel chair.
”You’re right” replied science, wielding his cigar between his fingers.
”What was the motive behind your overthrowing philosophy”? I questioned in a polite, non-irritating manner.
”I pushed natural philosophy aside to free the world from the adumbration of philosophical speculation and I immediately replaced it with empirically tested knowledge”, science defended, puffing out smoke rings from his cigar.
”Is mathematics a part of you”? I asked with searching eyes.
”Mathematic is a boon companion but I am superior to her. The weakness of mathematic is that it is not always exact. It starts with assumption and follow long mathematical process, and occasionally end in a silly conclusion”, science argued with an air of superiority.
”Is it true that natural philosophy, through its researches paved the way for your breakthrough”? I asked cautiously.
Science glowered glumly and said, ”The statement is an outlandish conjecture. Scholars who postulate such a view lack intellectual equipment. No one paved the way for me. Before natural philosophy I was. I was taking a long nap when philosophy sneaked in and took the center stage. Its grammar and its style of elucidating subtle philosophical nuances about metaphysics, morals and ethics fascinated many people. However, when I woke up from my nap, I pushed philosophy aside and pigeonholed her where she belonged. My actions immediately changed people’s mind from animation to practical reality”, science stated in an exuberant tone.
”Are you interested in intrinsic or relative value of things”? I further questioned.
Science caressed his bushy mustache with his fingers, stared at me and said: ”I am inclined to relative value of things. Intrinsic value is for philosophy, religion, and for those on the spiritual path. I package my products with beautiful containers, describe their killing capacity without an iota of thought about the number of people they will send to their untimely oblivion.
”Your abhorrence to intrinsic value means that you prefer fancy packaging to the content and its substantive form. In a nutshell, you use fancy container to fool your clients.
Leaning back on his swivel chair and resting his right leg on the stool he said: ”Fancy packaging is OK. It’s a part of
business. If fools do not go to market, dangerous and bad articles will not be sold. In religion the Bible is a sure guide, in my business greed and profit take ascendancy over morality and intrinsic value” he disclosed to me.
”What makes you puff and tick with such unimaginable impunity”?
Looking at me disdainfully he said: ”I have progressed in leaps and bounds in all spheres of life and the world is my hands. Look around, you’ll see my handiwork – nuclear weapon is not in short supply, cloning of human and animals is the order of the day, reduction of labour, prolongation of life and conquest of space among other things” he said boastfully.
You claimed to have cloned human being, did you also clone the ”breath”?
”It’s a childish question, a sort of mental arithmetic for me. I detest kindergarten issue. Could you please ask me serious questions”, science
bitterly demanded.
”You also claimed to have made advances in the space exploration, but that had been solved by the ancients.
Interplanetary journey was done with ease in halcyon days of our pristine time. The key got lost, you only rediscovered it”, I explained to science in a friendly manner.
Science felt hurt and fumed. The contour of his face changed. He stared at me and said: ”That’s a cruel fiction and a tissue of lie. I am the Atomic God, the prime mover and the omnipotent”, he thundered. He got up from his chair and swaggered a bit to and from along the palmy plane and returned to his seat after a while.
”I am sorry Mr. Science if my question has upset you. I doff my hat and bow in respect and seek your indulgence for the continuation of the interview” I expressed in a modulated voice that tallied with sincerity.
”Your request is granted. Continue with your interview, but dwell on sophisticated questions”, science demanded.
”Mr Science, are you independent or a pawn in the hands of politicians”?
”Of course, I am independent. Politicians only knock at my door when they want me to offer their nations protection. They call on me when their nations feel threatened or tightly squeezed by many powers. As an Atomic God, I do not hesitate to offer my scientific formula for such protections. Had Carthage approached me, it could not have been wiped out of map. I have fortified nations with Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles. It takes only 6 minutes for such weapon to travel from Moscow to write its signature in Washington. I don’t impose my weapon on
them. The germ of the idea, needless to say, comes from politicians and their security advisers. I only supply them with any type of weapon they require according to the nature of threats
perceived as well as the weight of their purse. Religion imposes dogmas and demand devotion, not me”, he concluded.
”Have politicians and their security advisers approached you in recent times for a ”deal”?
”Yes, many have done so through my clandestine agents spread worldwide. Some of these deals have been approved and have since become operational. Other states want to go nuclear but do not have the wherewithal. Some nuclear business deals are still in the pending tray waiting for my signature and stamp of approval. Many are in the pipe line” science disclosed.
”What forms of business deal have they entered into with you”?
”Seven very important clients want me to increase the velocity of the existing intercontinental Ballistic Missile from 6 to 2 minutes from Moscow to Washington and to make it immune to interception. There is also a huge demand for me to
quadruple its quantum killing capacity. Others have approached me for short range missile to keep their sub-regional enemies at bay. Few are interested in powerful gas poison and sophisticated land mines. A
handful of others are interested in enrichment of uranium for peaceful purpose. Few rich and powerful nations have bought from me the blue print for the construction of nuclear stations in the space, from where they could, via K10 Missile obliterate their rivalries and enemies” science said in a jocular fashion.
Could you please expatiate on what you mean by ”enrichment of uranium for peaceful purpose”.
”It means that he who desires peace must prepare for war”
”Does it enter into your moral reflection that those who patronise you are still primitive and could blow the world asunder with your weapon”.
”Mr man, you are foul-mouthed person to have called my clients" primitive. They are not but you are entitled to your own opinion. Literature
criticising me on this issue has reached voluminous proportion, but who cares. As I said before, morals and ethics do not belongs to me. I am motivated by other factors, not by the highest virtue as you would expect. Any agreement reached with my clients on weapon of mass destruction is worth the paper on which is written on. It should be remembered that on many occasions, religion had thrown morals overboard and descended to the sickening level of barbarism. Consider the
unimaginable level of destruction wrought by the Crusaders and the horror of inquisition. The Crusaders and inquisitors killed those they
labeled as heretical people. They were killed with primitive weapon – spears, axes, swords, bows and arrows. Some even used their teeth to bite the heretics to death. But my system kills instantly with less pain” he said with chuckle.
”There are speculations in certain quarters that you are running a race against time, creating world tension and instability here and there. Is it not true”?
Science got up from his swivel chair and danced to my delight. A type of dance akin to boggie woogie. He swung his legs and wiggle his hip,
jumped with flying feet and hopped. He ended with a belly dace. He thereafter returned to his seat looking well energized, drew his cigar and in his usual manner, puffed out smoke rings. I reiterated my question asking him whether he was running a race against time. He caressed his mustache once again and permitted silence to reign for a while; gave me a pregnant stare, then started doodling. He suddenly turned and stared at me again and said: ”World War I was a mere sneeze; World War II, a mere cough, I haven’t cried yet. Politicians want me to cry. Politicians are running a race against time, not me. It is their foreign policy designs premised on strategic geopolitical calculus that stimulate demand for my hardware. You must put on your thinking cap and stop pointing your accusing finger at me. You behave like an educated man with sore eyes.
”Mr Science, you said that you have sneezed, coughed but have not yet cried. When would you cry?
Science was pretty cagey on the issue and declined to utter a single word. He rather resorted to body language communication system – keeping his finger in a crossed form and his legs intertwined and shifted his cigar from the center to the corner of his mouth and looked at me with a smart movement of his eyes.
”Pride goes before a fall” I said , and reminded him that ”the egoistical
belief in being the prime mover, the assumption of omnipotent, exhibition of arrogance, abuse of knowledge and power could lead to the destruction of any civilisation”
”Do you have another question to ask me”? Science posed evasively
”Yes”, I responded and asked: ”Can you clone Vital Life Force and Peace of Mind ?
Science looked at me pensively for a while, threw his unfinished cigar at me and walked away in his usual swaggering style, with his beret resting at odd angle on his head.
Re-Published,
June 2006
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Augustine C. Ohanwe writes from England. He is a
Nigerian. Augustine is a researcher, and holds a PhD in international
politics. He is also a poet whose numerous poems could be seen at www.Poemsofsoul.com
under FEATURE POETS
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