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I Am No Longer An Alchoholic
- June Sullivan
I started drinking in my 20s and continued for 15 years, into the mid-'80s. By then, I was drinking every day, mostly after work. I got to the point where I couldn't go anywhere, even to visit family, unless I had a bottle of alcohol with me.
In social situations, drinking had become my daily substitute for comfort and courage, leading regularly to heavy intoxication. And as anyone who has ever leaned on it knows, alcohol's promises are false. For instead of the ease and strength I craved, alcohol only brought me self-loathing and weakness.
I accepted the label of “alcoholic” as part of my make-up—a characterization I took on without thinking, since one of my parents had been an alcoholic. I desperately wanted to do something about this destructive habit, but my addiction was so strong, I didn’t believe I could stop.
Then my career—and finances—took a nose-dive. And when all my efforts—résumés, visits to employment agencies, answering want ads—failed to land me a job, I turned to a book I’d been given a few years before.
Picking up Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures by Mary Baker Eddy, the textbook of Christian Science, was not just an act of desperation. It had already proved itself to me as a book of fulfilled promises. Its messages of God’s present power and goodwill had cured me of physical and relationship problems in the past. And, while I didn't yet believe anything could help with my drinking problem, I felt sure this book could help with my financial emergency.
Little did I know that, while Science and Health was helping me see employment opportunities from a spiritual perspective, it would also intervene in my alcohol addiction.
This powerful question in the book caught my attention: "What are man’s prospects for life?" Startled, my thought began to move in a new direction. On what was I basing my present situation and future opportunities? Was I the child of an alcoholic parent, with a poor self-image, sabotaging my own career? And was my worth the outcome of a flawed family history and the personal choices I had made along the way?
Certainly, up until this point, my answer to all that would have been "yes." But now the ideas in Science and Health turned me toward an identity mentioned in the book of Genesis in the Bible: that of being God’s very own image and likeness.
I also took this phrase from Science and Health to heart: "We must first turn our gaze in the right direction, and then walk that way. We must form perfect models in thought and look at them continually, or we shall never carve them out in grand and noble lives."
The realization that I could accept a new model for my identity, based on perfection, gradually transformed my thinking. The fact that I am really made in God’s perfect image—flawless, innocent and always useful—began to replace some of the poor concepts I had of myself.
I began seeing not only myself, but all humanity, as having one divine Parent, one source of individuality. Accepting that all of God’s children are, in a degree, as perfect as our divine Parent, God, had a startling effect. I began losing my desire for alcohol.
Several months passed, and I didn't drink at all. Then one evening, I was visiting friends I used to drink with socially. Though I accepted my usual drink, I put the glass on a side table and left it there for several hours, only occasionally taking a little sip. When it was finally gone, I got up, poured myself another and was about to rejoin my friends. But instead, I felt impelled to walk into the kitchen.
I remember standing there alone for a few moments, leaning up against the counter. An indescribable feeling of peace and strength filled my being. I felt whole—as if I was coming home. I wasn’t weak and needy, but fulfilled and free.
Then I simply poured the drink down the sink, filled my glass with soda and returned to my friends. Since that moment, I’ve never wanted or taken an alcoholic drink again.
Looking back on this transformation, I recognize the peaceful feeling I had in the kitchen as the Christ, the spiritual message of God’s love for each of us. It revealed my spiritual identity that had gradually come to light as I studied the ideas in Science and Health.
I continued reading Science and Health and enjoying my newfound freedom from addiction. And within a very short time, my employment situation resolved itself too. I landed a job in a totally new career, and after several years as assistant to a newspaper publisher, my manager asked me to take on writing assignments and soon I became a professional writer.
When I think back on this time, I believe a spiritual intervention closed one career door and gradually opened another. But most important, I began my journey into discovering my worth as the child of God, and false labels naturally dropped away. Indeed, I received real comfort and courage with what some might call the "peace of God" which, the Bible says, "passeth all understanding."
"Permission
to reprint from Spirituality.com" July
2005
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR: June has been a freelance writer for a variety of magazines and newspapers. She writes on a variety of topics ranging from food and home design to spirituality.
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